Funny Way of Saying No Sex Before Marriage

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Funny wedding quotes about marriage is what probably all of your married guests will relate to, so they are the perfect way to inject humor into your day. Whether it's the best man telling the funniest marriage jokes at the reception or Dad imparting some funny marriage advice, your pretty much on safe ground as everyone will relate to this. No tumbleweeds at this reception!

We've rounded up 52 of the funniest wedding quotes about married life, wedding jokes and wedding anecdotes which can be used in a variety of ways at your wedding from wedding captions on signage to ice breakers at your reception among guests.

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Getting married and being married is not without its challenges and as always seeing the funny side of things often shines a light on what makes us different, imperfect and often accepting. Funny quotes about marriage are a great ice breaker and can have guests in fits of laughter and of course are so relatable for most couples. Funny married life quotes and marriage jokes could easily be incorporated into your wedding decor at your reception.

Funny quotes about marriage are a great way to get guests talking and sharing common ground so I would totally frame these and have them scattered around the wedding reception, you can use these as wedding captions on signage.

Guests could write funny wedding jokes and funny marriage quotes into your guest book so leaving ideas around could provide some helpful inspiration. Funny quotes about marriage would also lend themselves to be written with wishes in wedding cards. All taken in good humour of course.

Funny Wedding Quotes about Marriage

These famous wedding quotes about marriage from some very well known and prominent people will really go down well and are versatile enough to be used as a way of injecting humor into marriage wishes you might write in a card or a guest book.

"What's the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday." CINDY GARNER
"An ideal wife is any woman who has an ideal husband." BOOTH TARKINGTON
We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better and she couldn't have done worse." HENRY YOUNGMAN
"There are only three things women need in life: Food, water and compliments." CHRIS ROCK
"You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!!!" BILL MAHER
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk." RITA RUDNER
"Why do married people live longer than single people? I think it's because married people make a special effort to live longer than their partner – just so they can have the last word." JANET PERIAT
"Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome." JERRY SEINFELD
When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason." MOLLY MCGEE
"My most brilliant achievement was my ability to persuade my wife to marry me." WINSTON CHURCHILL
"We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops" HENRY YOUNGMAN
"My wife dresses to kill, she cooks the same way." HENRY YOUNGMAN
One day my wife's credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife! ANONYMOUS
When I tried to do a search for marital advice on Google, it tried to finish my sentence for me, just like my wife does. – anonymous coolfunnyquotes.com
If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears. – coolfunnyquotes.com SIGMUND FREUD
All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner."—Red Skelton
"There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about." Oscar Wilde
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person – MIGNON MCLAUGHLIN
There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion, or company than a good marriage. MARTIN LUTHER
Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife. FRANZ SCHUBERT
In marriage do thou be wise: prefer the person before money virtue before beauty, the mind before the body, then thou hast a wife, a friend, a companion, a second self. WILLIAM PENN
Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years. SIMONE SIGNORET
Sensual pleasures have the fleeting brilliance of a comet; a happy marriage has the tranquility of a lovely sunset. ANN LANDERS
A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal. ANONYMOUS
Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: You have to start over again every morning.H JACKSON BROWN, JNR
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. HELEN ROWLAND
They say love is blind…and marriage is an institution. Well, I'm not ready for an institution for the blind just yet. MAE WEST
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food. She goes on tuesdays, I go Fridays. HENRY YOUNGMAN
When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad. HELEN ROWLAND
More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse. DOUG LARSON
Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories. JOHN WILMOTT
Marriage is like a deck of cards. All you need in the beginning is two hearts and a diamond. After 10 years you need a club and spade. CARRIE
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. GROUCHO MARX
Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one. MAE WEST
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning. CLINT EASTWOOD
Marriage is grand. Divorce, 200 grand.~ANONYMOUS
"We both said, 'I do!' and we haven't agreed on a single thing since." ~ So I Married an Axe Murderer
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. ~ ZSA ZSA GABOR
My husband and I have never considered divorce … murder sometimes, but never divorce. DR. JOYCE BROTHERS
Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?" – DENNIS MILLER
My wife had us register for fine china, because you never know when the Pope is going to swing by and want a microwaved hot dog on a $200 plate." -JIM GAFFIGAN
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener."— UNKNOWN
"At every party there are two kinds of people … those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other."— ANN LANDERS
"I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it." Lyndon B. Johnson
"What's the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday." CINDY GARNER
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass."— Rodney Dangerfield
"After seven years of marriage, I am sure of two things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you'll need two bathrooms … both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in."— Dennis Miller
"My parents only had one argument in 45 years. It lasted 43 years."— Cathy Ladman
Marriage: sometimes soul-mates, sometimes cell-mates. – RORY ELDER
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. – H.V. PROCHNOW
Husbands and wives are irritating. But without them, who would we blame for misplacing our socks? – JANET PERIAT
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it" – HELEN ROWLAND